Why understanding your teen is not impossible (just really hard without some help)
First, let’s try to understand what causes stress in teens…
Today’s American teens deal with what feels like and resembles non-stop pressure. They may feel the pressure to perform in the classroom, on the field, in the gym, on the stage, in the lab, as group leaders, on councils, as volunteers, at their part-time or gig jobs…the list goes on. Ever-present social media, the college selection process, looming post-high school decisions (Continue school? Get a real job? What’s this gap year about?), and even well-meaning family and friends put the pressure.
Some teens don’t thrive with all this activity and stimulation. Whether it happens slowly over time or quickly, teens may, in fact, “check out.” They tend to describe it as “I can’t get myself up,” or its near-opposites… “I can’t sleep,” or “I can’t stay asleep.” Others explain it as having something that keeps playing in their head or repeating over and over on their mind distracting them.
The time have changed and so have the pressures…
As a caretaker to these teens, whether you’re a parent, teacher, coach, or other involved adult, being aware and sensitive to what they’re up against is central to their well being. If your teen’s feeling pressure in one or more of the categories, check in knowing there are practices and resources you can share to support them.
Questions answered in this article:
- How can I help my teen with the pressure(s) that affect him, her or they?
- What pressures do teens face that cause them stress?
- What is grind culture and how does it impact teens?
- How can I help my teen manage his or her days?
When the pressures are on, remember this is what they’re going through.
Remember trying to figure out who you were as a teen?
The reality is that internet access and daily exposure to doom and gloom during formative years are affecting teens’ development and outlook. This is a distinct experience that none of us from previous generations can relate to.
Consequently, during middle and even high school years, few decisions come easy to these students. Instead, most feel criticized, and live with a constant strain in their day to day lives.
Additionally, LGBTQIA+ youth and youth of color can experience other pressures. They may have elevated mental health risks which aren’t recognized at home, in school, or at all.
We’re living in a new age – grind culture
Parents and professionals in the schools and mental health field see the effects of stressors and the weight pending decisions have on teens. They know that today’s “grind culture” that can start in the teen years or earlier leads to human burnout, because the pursuit of constant work isn’t sustainable and doesn’t actually deliver fulfillment. Instead, it supports unhealthy choices, and negatively affects work balance and life plans. And it particularly tests those in marginalized groups who don’t have the same economic, educational, and social resources or advantages.
Grind culture refers to society’s focus or intent on treating humans as machines. It emphasizes that the general population is exploited for the economic gains of a wealthier few. People are viewed as dispensable, tossed out like old equipment when they are no longer useful. The “grind” speaks to destroying people physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Teachers, as professionals who work with teens on a regular basis, observe firsthand the pressure young adults encounter from high school curriculums and administrations, the college selection process, family, peers, social media, and other factors. They see how anxiety, stress, and depression affect teens’ mental health, including their focus, general affect, school performance, social life, and more. As teachers, they’re in the unique position of understanding what teens are going through and often can help them understand and “manage” the concept of the grind culture.
Check in with your teen’s school to see what support the school offers in terms of handling the grind culture, making decisions, and dealing with pressure. If they don’t have the support you’re looking for, you’ve got options with other mental health advocates like us.
And the stress in teens just piles on…
Catching the social cues isn’t as easy as it looks
The pressure is intense for high school students to experience visible and even documentable social activities. Not only are they considered “healthy,” but teens can get trial runs at managing groups, projects, timelines, individuals, and money. Additionally, softer skills in leadership, communications, and group dynamics, for example, are absorbed.
We all need a plan, but figuring out your whole life?
As soon as a student hits high school, sometimes even earlier, especially if they have a noticeable talent like athletics or music, people start asking, “What are you going to do when you finish school?” It’s okay if they follow their bliss or their talent. It’s also okay to pick a different road, one that makes sense for their life and timeline. Mention to your child that he/she/they can talk to a counselor at school for help or to run thoughts by someone with vocational knowledge.
Achieving on a whole new level
Social media intensifies the stress as teens see others’ accomplishments and often unfairly criticize and compare themselves. Talk to your teen about how everything is amplified on social media and maybe set up some guard rails around phone-free hours, taking breaks and turning off notifications so that they control their life, not their phone.
Making sure they love looking in the mirror
Cleanliness, health, fitness! !? Be sure the school offers classroom subjects, after-school activities, and food offerings that support healthy eating, exercise, and body maintenance.
Staying active in their community
School clubs and groups can help kids learn and find voices that interest them and let them contribute to conversations they care about. If your child shows any interest in a leadership role, calmly support the inclination.
And finding people to relate to
Friends are often found through mutual interests. Mention to your child that joining a club, group, or school movement can be an easy way to meet people. They’ll learn new skills and improve the ones they have; gain leadership and teamwork experience; get a break from studying; and have fun.
Day to day parenting can be rough. Here are some ideas to get you started.
As a parent or guardian, you can help teens by celebrating their efforts and lives. . Take a stance of trying to “add in” to their days rather than control or eliminate activities. For instance, consider encouraging them to spend time outside, rather than insisting they just get off the phone or eliminating screen time altogether. Instead, create opportunities for them to….
Relax or have fun
Get outdoors
“Un-schedule” thereby allowing for fun and spontaneity
Allow more free time in their schedules
Recognize their efforts vs. outcome
Share in their happiness
Put down their phones
Look into counseling to get the support and skills to better manage their days
Want to make the teen years a little easier?
When you reach out to Sanare for help with your teen’s anxiety, we’ll assess where they are clinically and what type of help is needed and get them the level of support they need. Learn more about Sanare Today’s approach to teen mental health treatment.
Here’s what you can expect from your sign up process:
- You’ll call in, and our admissions team will help you schedule your initial consultation within 48 hours
- During your in-person or virtual consultation, one of our therapists will help determine which program (or trusted partner) will be the best fit for you
- You’ll show up to your first session (probably a little freaked out, and that’s totally fine), listen to others’ stories, and start gaining tools you can apply that same day
Get started here
We’re rooting for you
Sanare Today is a mental health provider offering IOP, PHP, and outpatient therapy programs for teens, children, and adults dealing with childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, and more. We offer therapy in Philadelphia, PA; Wilmington, DE; Raleigh, NC and beyond. Get in touch with us here!